Millions of people worldwide have smartphones. And whether it’s via Viber, WhatsApp, Messenger, DMs on Twitter or Instagram, or Snaps on Snapchat, they all text. There’s almost no person under the age of 40 that hasn’t sent a single text once in their life — some of them texts specifically sent to annoy the other person.
Now, we all love a bit of trolling. It’s an art form, really. But what are some of the best ways to do it via a text message, multimedia-filled or otherwise?
Well, in this article, we will go over no less than 20 different ways of being an absolute nuisance via text. Bear in mind that you might learn a few new tricks here, but they can and will be used on you in the future.
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OK, so we know some of the benefits of annoying texts with a bit of an asterisk. For instance, sending someone a message to wake them up can be considered annoying, even though it’s useful. But when we’re talking about sending texts specifically to annoy someone, how can they be beneficial, really?
For starters, having a bit of fun with others in the form of trolling can actually be healthy. If you do it in moderation and with good intentions, you’ll make the other person feel more appreciated and, more importantly, more relaxed and more in the zone for more of the mores of merrymaking.
See? We just tried to annoy you with that last sentence, but our intention was to illustrate the point of good trolling. In our case, we repeatedly used the term “more” but in a way that makes sense. Light teasing, if you will.
Teasing is also beneficial for you, the sender. By showing that you’re willing to tease your friend or partner, or even family member, you’re letting them know that you’re ready to deepen the relationship you already have with them.
Finally, high-end trolling is a skill that’s acquired through learning and experience. By finding creative ways to mess with someone via text, you’re subconsciously learning the skills necessary to hold a conversation or engage in debate.
Of course, when you’re messing with people, always remember some of the golden rules:
- No harassment
- Absolutely no threats of violence
- Don’t share the person’s number or other contact info with anyone else
- Never go overboard.
With that out of the way, let’s see how you can mess with others via text.
If a loved one writes up a long, detailed message that requires some sort of response, you can really tick them off by just responding with a single word or even a single letter. Depending on the context, it can get you results in a matter of seconds.
Person: Hey, Joe. We’re going shopping soon, but we can’t get the stuff for the bathroom. If you can, please get us some shampoo, conditioner, a few Tidepods, and maybe that new set of towels we talked about yesterday. Love ya!
This is technically not being annoying through a text, but rather being annoying through not sending one. When you receive a message from someone, read it but don’t reply. Or, to take it a few steps above that, reply seven days later with something irrelevant or by drawing attention to it despite it being old news.
A bit of a reversal from Method #1; this is essentially you burying the other person with text as a response to something simple and innocuous. If possible, do it a few times in a row just for added effect.
Person: Hey, what’s up?
You: My dear fellow, I find myself asking that question every day. We as humans can never know what might be up there or even what “up” really is. Our conception of “up” is incredibly vague and unrefined, to the point where we see a typical act of hubris and deem it worthy enough to write about, to immortalize. Yet, mortality is but another concept that eludes us, always, unevenly, and makes fools and horses out of us all. Yet, we trudge on, ceaselessly, down the path of no resistance. What little resistance there may be, it howls and screams that it wants out, that it aims for an entirely new lease on life, that it pushes for its humanity back, despite not having any humanity to begin with, none to offer, none to rely back on.
This method is an effective way of wasting space and flooding the other person with messages. It’s an easy enough action to pull off, yet it gets the job done every time.
Person: Hey, man
More often than not, people associate caps lock with online yelling. It’s such a simple way of having fun with smartphone text dialogue, yet it almost never fails when it comes to unsuspecting “victims.”
Person: Hey, sweety. Wanna go to the mall later?
You: I DON’T THINK I EVER WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT MALL AGAIN, BUT THANK YOU FOR ASKING!
Not all people will mind a typo or two. In fact, even if you jumble most of the letters in a single word, the person on the other end would still be able to read it. So, the annoyance doesn’t necessarily come from the typos and errors but from their frequency.
Person: Hey, there
You: Hlelo htere
Person: You doing well?
You: I am abslotuley prefect, and yoruslef?
Person: Is everything ok?
You: Evethyring is great, why do uyou ask?
Purposeful errors are not limited to spelling only. Try texting your friend and constantly getting their name wrong. However, be subtle about it, and don’t go overboard with it.
Person: Hey, bro
You: Hey, Jack
Person: Wtf do you mean Jack?
Person: …it’s Billy.
You: Oh, sorry. Sup?
Person: Nothing, watching Netflix. You?
You: I’m doing good, Jack. Just relaxing.
Person: Tf is Jack? I’m Billy.
You: Oh, sorry. Wyd?
Person: I told you, watching Netflix.
You: Ah, alright. Btw, my sis says Hi.
Person: Say Hi back
You: She says, “Tell Jack that his flash drive is still here.”
OK, now this one might require a bit more effort, but it’s totally worth it. First, type up a fairly long text and give it lots of detail. Next, once you have the entire text, delete every single instance of blank space, as well as all the apostrophes and dashes. Make the entire message into what is essentially one gigantic word. Once you’re done, hit Send and see the reactions flow in.
Person: Whassup, girl?
Nothing annoys people more than thoughts left unfinished. You can do this via both text and voice messages. Simply start off an important response to their question, but leave it hanging halfway. When they ask you to finish it, just use another unfinished line and do so until their reaction warrants you to stop.
Person: Hey, how can I get that pair of shoes from Richie’s?
You: Oh, it’s simple. First, you sign up for their newsletter, and then you
Person: Then I what?
You: Oh, sorry, I assumed it was sent.
Person: It’s ok.
You: OK, so when you sign up for their newslet
When it comes to these methods, this one actually plays the most into someone’s anxiety and can be used quite effectively.
Normally, when people want to share something serious or make a point, they will take the time to type it out carefully. If you look at your phone while they type, most apps will show an image of three dots pulsating as the person is writing. As you’re writing your response, just leave the phone open at the chat window and make sure your screensaver is off; the other person will literally quake every minute as they are waiting for you to finish typing.
If people find something annoying, it’s an obvious and unfunny joke. And few unfunny jokes are as hard-hitting as sex humor. So, when your friend starts to text you, just make every response lewd or in some way related to sex.
Person: You want to go clubbing tonight?
You: I’ll show you my club. It’s knotted and pulsating.
Person: Dude, wtf?
Person: That was really weird.
You: You won’t think it’s weird after a few times of doing it, babe.
Person: You’re messed up!
You: Mmm, wanna mess you up tho
What might be the best, most inappropriate way of replying to a serious text or a declaration the person is particularly proud of? Well, we recommend just typing a string of disconnected emojis. An alternative would be a bunch of animated gifs that either make zero sense or are just outright inappropriate.
Person: Hey, girl! I just got my certificate! I can work as a full-time field nurse now!
This particular method will work best with any friend you have that prefers long texts.
So, first, try to get into a deep conversation with them on a specific topic. Next, watch them type and wait for maybe 15‒20 seconds, then call them in the middle of their typing. Repeat this step several times throughout the day, but don’t do it back-to-back. This is the type of method you’ll have to space out because of how it works.
Once again, it’s a fairly simple concept. When you read the text from your friend or a family member, simply overcorrect their content. In fact, it will be even funnier if you purposefully correct a proper word into something incorrect just to tick them off additionally.
Person: Hey. Your going to the concert tonight?
Person: lol sorry
You: *LOL, sorry.
Person: wtf was that
You: *WTF was that?!
Person: Dude, cut it out.
You: *Dued, cut it out.
Method #15: Immediately Go Into a Political or Religious Topic, No Matter What You Support or Oppose
Let’s give a descriptive example here. Imagine that your friend is telling you about the latest prices for used cars and how they can’t buy a vehicle in their price bracket. Immediately start to shower him with sh*tposts on how terrible of a president Donald Trump was and how his administration ruined the US. Make sure to type at least several texts with that particular subject.
Oh, and don’t stop even when your friend tells you to. The second they try to de-escalate the situation, continue by laying into Joe Biden’s cabinet and make sure to mention the Freemasons and the Catholic church.
Another fairly simple method. All you need to do is copy and paste a particularly notorious textual meme as a response to something mundane.
You: (sends the infamous Rick & Morty “To be fair” copypasta)
Method #17: Reply to Everything With “Your Mom” Even If (or Rather, ESPECIALLY If) It Makes No Sense
Once again, it’s a fairly self-explanatory method to use.
Person: Hey, guess who just got promoted!
You: Your mom
Person: Wtf?! The hell’s your problem, man?
You: Your mom
Person: That’s not funny, dude
You: Your mom
One quick way to anger your friends and family is to text them incessantly without giving them a chance to focus on a reply. You can type a fairly long message at first. Next, as they focus on replying to it, just spam them with quick, short, and annoying replies. At one point, they might ask you to stop, but then just double down and go even harder.
Dad jokes are basically the tamest method of the bunch. It will involve finding the lamest possible pun on the internet that a boomer might laugh at and then using it on your friend. If you can, make it relate to a previous message of theirs, or simply use it in the most inappropriate way possible.
You: What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Person: Please don’t talk to me ever again.
Confusing the person on the other end of the line is always fun, and an intriguing way of doing that is to just make up new terms as you type. But don’t make it too obvious. Try to make the terms sound just about right, similar to how Lewis Carroll wrote his poem Jabberwocky.
Person: You up for some bowling tonight?
You: Yeah! I might just score an ouncethrift.
Person: A what?
You: An ouncethrift.
Person: What’s that?
You: It’s when you actualienize the external shots.
Person: What’s actualienize?
You: Come on!
Person: No, really, what does that mean?
You: You bowl; you should know that
Person: Wtf, just tell me!
You: Ok, ok, ok
You: It’s when the sphere hits that anticoloidal spot on the seventh inway of the first round.
Person: I quit
Obviously, there are plenty of other methods you can use to mess with your friends via text. Some people send short videos with extremely loud noises, while others use leetspeak (7H15 15 4N 3X4MP13 0F 13375P34K). And granted, there are probably dozens of other ways that involve specific app stickers, sound clips, or even messing with the meta-data.
Whatever method you choose, remember the golden rules mentioned above. As long as it’s good-natured and doesn’t break any laws, use any of the listed means to mess about with someone via text. It’s a great way to pass the time, as well as a good learning experience in the field of comedy writing or even writing in general.
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