How to Pee Quietly: Complete Guide for Men and Women

Whether at home or in a public restroom, peeing while having others nearby is a humbling experience. There is just something unsettling about them hearing the water splashing and knowing exactly what you’re doing at that moment.

That is why the art of peeing quietly is an essential skill to acquire. In the sections that follow, we’ll share some useful tips that will make all your toilet visits as noiseless as possible. Follow along!

1. Line the Bowl With Toilet Paper

As you likely know, the bulk of the noise you hear while peeing comes from urine hitting the water that is already at the bottom of a toilet bowl. Some of it also occurs when pee makes contact with the bowl itself, but it is significantly quieter.

So, to minimize this noise, you simply have to put a barrier between the urine and the water and the sides of the bowl. The most effective and readily available tool you can use is toilet paper.

All you have to do is roll a few feet of the paper and put it inside the bowl. Just be careful so it doesn’t get soaked in water immediately, and you’ll be good to go.

For guys, the rest is incredibly easy. You simply have to aim for the paper when you do your business, and the noise level will lower. Ladies will have a trickier job, as aiming too precisely isn’t a possibility. Still, you can put the bulk of the paper on the side of the bowl and lean forward, so that your pee goes in that general direction.

Now, it’s important to mention that this fix is not a good long-term solution. It will lead to too much toilet paper waste, making it unsustainable. However, it’s excellent if you are visiting someone as a guest or hitting the public restroom with several people inside the stalls around you.

2. Control the Speed

When you’re not desperately in need of a bathroom break, it’s pretty easy to control your peeing speed. And as you probably already know, the slower you pee, the less noise you make.

So, if you’re not hard-pressed to go, just stretch out the peeing for as long as possible. The droplets won’t cause almost any noise, and you’ll be able to go about your business without fearing who might overhear.

However, we have a word of caution. Peeing slowly does not entail stopping and restarting the flow of urine as you go. If you do so, you will be at risk of contracting a UTI, so it is definitely not advisable. Instead, just ensure the pee comes continuously but at a much slower rate.

3. Flush the Toilet First

If you don’t have anything to work with to soundproof the toilet blow, the next best thing is making noise to drown out your peeing. In bathrooms, the easiest way to achieve this is to flush the toilet before you start.

As soon as you flush, the bathroom will fill with the noise of water filling the tank and rushing through the bowl. Depending on the model and condition of the toilet, the noise could vary in volume and last anywhere from a few seconds to a full minute. During that time, you can comfortably pee, poop, or even fart without a care in the world.

However, you should note that this tip isn’t as suitable for women as it is for men. Namely, if you have to sit while peeing, you can’t do it as soon as you flush. If you do, you’ll get toilet water all over your bottom, which is both unsanitary and irritating.

So, only do this if you can stand or crouch over the toilet so the water never hits you as it gurgles inside. Otherwise, it’s better to go with any of the other solutions we included on this list.

4. Pee on Something Soft

Are you stranded somewhere with no toilet in sight? If you absolutely have to pee outside, it’s pivotal to find a soft (and as clean as possible) surface to do it on. In nature, you cannot go wrong with either plain soil or grass.

Both of these surfaces are quite soft, so they will absorb the noise of your pee hitting them. On the other hand, if you do it over concrete or any similarly hard material, the noise will be louder.

Another useful tip is to get as close to the ground as you can. That way, the flow will be shorter and, as such, cause a lot less noise when it comes into contact with the ground.

If you’re a lady and you choose to pee in some grass, just make sure to find a spot that isn’t too overgrown. It’s essential not to let any of the grass touch your naked skin to avoid bacterial infections and allergic reactions.

And lastly, a safety tip for everyone: always carry wet wipes and some hand sanitizer with you. By doing so, you’ll be able to clean yourself up nicely and ensure your hands are properly sanitized when you’re done.

5. Pee While Sitting Down

This tip won’t be as useful to the fairer sex, as most women already do pee while seated. However, men aren’t used to it, as it can be a bit inconvenient and takes a longer time.

However, this hack can help you reduce peeing noise exponentially. As already mentioned, the sound is quieter the closer you are to the bowl, so sitting down helps a lot.

To take extra precautions, you can combine this trick with the first one we mentioned. Line the bowl with some toilet paper, and your time on the bowl will be almost entirely noiseless.

Of course, it goes without saying that you can only do this with toilets that have bowls. But even if you have to use a urinal, getting closer to its surface will go a long way in making the experience quieter.

6. Get a Squat Peeing Stool

Here is another trick that guys will find extra useful. You’ve probably heard of squatting and stepping stools that can help kids reach the toilet more easily? Well, you can use them to pee more quietly, too!

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This technique is, once again, based on the fact that getting closer to the toilet bowl reduces peeing noise. So, instead of standing over it, you can kneel on the stool and aim precisely where you want.

The only disadvantage to this trick is that most stools aren’t padded. Thus, you will experience some discomfort while kneeling on them, as they’re usually made of hard materials such as wood or heavy plastic.

7. Soundproof Your Bathroom

Although this trick won’t help you pee more quietly, it will ensure no one actually hears you as you go about your business. In our book, that is just as good of a solution, if not even better.

So, all you have to do is ensure that the noise that happens in the bathroom stays in it. You can do so through several means, some temporary and inexpensive and others more permanent and pricey.

A quick (but effective!) solution is to soundproof your bathroom door. That can include sealing any gaps on or under the door with caulk, weatherstripping tape, or a door sweep.

Alternatively, you can also hang a soundproofing blanket on the door while you’re inside. Made of dense and heavy materials, these blankets can absorb much of the noise that occurs in a room, ensuring no one outside of it hears anything.

In case your door is fine the way it is and your walls are giving you a bigger headache, you can soundproof them instead. The cheapest way to do that is by placing acoustic panels all around the bathroom.

Of course, you can also replace or reinforce your drywall. However, such a task will require an extensive budget, and it probably won’t be a viable choice if you are a tenant.

Lastly, if you’re not in the mood to spend too much money, you can use something you probably already have at home: towels. Take as many as you can, and place them in strategic posts around the toilet room.

These include any available shelves, hanging rods, and flat surfaces. The softness of the towels will absorb the bulk of noise, so what leaves the room won’t be as loud and harsh.

Learn How to Pee Quietly: Final Thoughts

Peeing in public or at someone else’s home can be pretty uncomfortable, especially if you know others can hear you. However, there are quite a few tricks you can use to make the experience better for everyone. The best ones include using toilet paper as a buffer, aiming away from the water, and using the sound of the flush as a distraction.

And in case you want to pee in peace in your own home, soundproofing tricks are your best bet. You can tackle your bathroom door or walls, as well as place towels or any other type of padding around the room to offset the noise. That way, your bathroom can become a true safe haven.

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